The Four Types of Dog Vomit
1. YELLOW URKA-GURKAS
Dog runs around the house and hides under furniture while making a prolonged “uurka-guurka, uurka-guurka” noise (the only noise guaranteed to wake up a dog lover who is hungover from a 3:30am post-dog-show celebration). After a mad scramble to capture the dog and drag him outside, the episode ends with an indelible line of slimy yellow froth from the living room rug to the back door.
Dog exercises hard and
a) eats large mouthfuls of snow (winter blap disease) or
b) drinks a bucket of water (summer blap disease).
Within two minutes of returning inside the dog spews out large amounts of clear, slimy liquid, making a distinctive “blap” sound and sharp percussive noise as it hits the linoleum.
Dog suddenly clears his throat with loud and dramatic “gggark, gggark” noises, followed by a prolonged “iiksss” and then loud, satisfied smacking noises. There is nothing on the rug. Don’t investigate, you don’t want to know.
Apropos of nothing, the dog strolls into the dining room and waits ’til the innocent dinner guests are all watching him. Then, with a single deep gut-wrenching “raaaallff”, disgorges the entire week’s contents of his
stomach on the rug. Variation: he eats it.
In all of the above events, the dog is entirely healthy and indeed, deeply pleased with himself.~ Author unknown